Thursday, February 25, 2010

God Bless You Andrew

May you find the peace in death, you were unable to find in life.  There will be those who won't understand how you could do something so painful, to the people you left behind.  There will be those who won't understand that depression isn't about choosing to be happy.  There may even be those, who choose not to forgive.  I won't be one of those.

I will pray for your death to:

Encourage people to try to learn more and have compassion, for those that suffer.

Allow a sufferer to reach out for a lifeline, and find the ability to hold onto it.

I will pray for your family and friends to accept that, while they may have a better understanding than most, your choice was your choice and is not a negative reflection against them.

God bless you, Andrew.  May you find peace, at last.

Joshua Andrew Koenig, 8-17-1968 to 2-25-2010.

Saturday, February 20, 2010

Love Link, Paying It Forward

Kristy, over at This Train Of Thought Has Been Derailed, has given me a Love Link.  Thanks, Kristy!  I love you back and look forward to being your adopted, somewhat blinded blog Mother. (with or without soap)
To receive this award I must pass it on to five more blogs and post this:

"You have received a LOVE LINK, now it's your turn to pass it on. Pick 5 special blog friends/readers/or non-blogging friends to link to and post about in addition to the person who LOVE-LINKED you; don't forget to add this notice to your post. This paragraph links you to (where it all started) because we want to know how far the love spreads and to how many. So, please come and leave a comment to tell us who you are and that you received a LOVE LINK from a friend."
I am choosing the following five, with a brief comment for the choice, in no particular order.
Karen @ This Old House, in spite of the fact she keeps me in the sinnin' corner, because envy is a sin!
Marla @ Butts And Ashes, who continues to amaze me with her life, as well as her writing.
Deborah @ Fashion Plate-Hungry For Style, for her fearless sense of style and great taste in hot men.
Bendigo @ Bendigo's Rage, because I'm a sucker for a man with a heart, who isn't afraid to admit it and writes it beautifully.
Rebekah @ It Only Gets Better, you don't need to find a niche/category...“Be Who You Are and Say What You Feel Because Those Who Mind Don't Matter and Those Who Matter Don't Mind.” 

Thursday, February 18, 2010

That Dreaded Word, Again!

For the past few years I keep hearing a certain word, used over and over.  This word sends me into a complete panic, hyperventilation and all.  I find myself getting sweaty, having heart palpitations and feeling like I might pass out.  What word could possibly cause that much reaction?  I'll tell you!  It's... rrrr, rrrrrr, rrrrreeeee... this is harder to say than I thought it would be!  One more try, here goes...


Could you feel my pain and panic?  I'm at a loss as to how to deal with it.  Hubby swears when he turns 65, he IS going to do it.  See, I couldn't even bear to use the word again.  People, he will be 65 in 18 months!  As fast as time flies, the older one gets, it will be here before I know it.  We aren't rich, by any means, but we are comfortable.  There are times in my life, however, that I have been poor.  I never, ever, want to be in that position again.  Having to decide whether to buy food, or toilet paper, is tough.  If you buy the food, you have to have the toilet paper, right?  GI, GO.  If you don't buy the food, you won't need the TP, but you starve.  See what I mean?  I'm not a food freak, but to not have the option to eat, might make me change my mind.  We always want what we can't have.

One of THE toughest issues we will face, when this time comes, will be MY health insurance.  It's the one thing that has managed to forestall the inevitable, as long as it has.  He would have made the decision before now, had it not been for the exorbitant cost to keep me covered.  Getting rid of me would be so much cheaper.  He might even be able to actually enjoy his rrr... rrrreee... TIME OFF FOR GOOD BEHAVIOR!  I could even forgive him if he did, but for now... this is how the whole idea, makes me feel... is NOT a good feeling!  How would you like to live with this?  Trust me, you don't even want to imagine it!   I must go lie down now, I'm feeling faint.  Is there a doctor in the house?  Somebody call 911!  Wait...
never mind, "WE CAN'T AFFORD IT!"


Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Happy 101, Part 2

I mentioned recently that the The Girl Next Door Grows Up gave me an award that said I bring happiness.  I'm honored.  Thanks for the support and the award.

Here are the rules to accepting this award:

  • List 10 things that make you happy.
  • Try to do at least one thing on the list today.
  • List 10 bloggers who brighten your day.
  • For those who get the award, link back to my blog and create your own happy list (Only if you want to.  No pressure here)
Now for my happy list.
  1. Being married to a wonderful man, who accepts me in spite of my faults.
  2. Being a mother.
  3. Being a grandmother.
  4. Phone calls and visits from my kids, just because.
  5. Coffee!
  6. Long, hot baths.
  7. Anything that stirs a memory.
  8. Restful sleep. (rare)
  9. Days when I feel like leaving my house. (also rare)
  10. Finding clothes that fit!  (rare indeed)
Now comes the part I will really struggle with.  Listing 10 bloggers who brighten my day.  EVERY BLOGGER I FOLLOW BRIGHTENS MY DAY OR I WOULDN'T FOLLOW THEM!  Instead of listing 10, I am going to list 1.  This person has been stirring my memories for many years.  Much longer than I've been blogging.  He used to write a column in my local paper and frequently reminisces about growing up in my area.  He now posts them on blogspot.  He's a hoot, you'll like him.

Mark Hayter this one's for you!

Monday, February 15, 2010

Memories and Things

When I started this blog, someone gave me the advice to say whatever I wanted.  I promised myself I wouldn't just "put it all out there" and "admit to strangers" what my family and friends are all too familiar with.  Here I go, breaking that promise.

One of the most frequent questions I hear, in my world, is "What difference does it make?"  Every time I get all OCD, worry or cry over something, the question gets asked, again, and is usually followed with, "Why do you let it upset you?"  

This question is raised on many different aspects of my life, below is just one. 

I am frugal and a saver, by nature.  I am also a very sentimental person.  When my beloved memories began to disappear, or, I should say started becoming hard to retrieve, I began saving "things".  Things were my way to pry the memories out of my failing brain.  It may not give me a complete memory, might be just a glimpse, but I'll take what I can get.  (The saving of things has gotten more out of control than I care to admit)

Becoming orphaned 13 years ago, when my parents died 3 weeks apart, took a toll on me.  I don't have many "things" of theirs, but what I do have, I cherish.  

Coming across a card signed by my Mom... who for many years before her death was unable to write, and eventually unable to walk, talk or move on her own... that means something to ME.

Cards signed by my Dad, when my Mom could no longer do it... that means something to ME.

Furniture and mementos, inherited down through the years, from family no longer living... that means something to ME.

When I get upset and cry because someone in the family is trying to get rid of an item belonging to a person I cherished that is no longer living and I can't make room for anymore "things"... please don't ask me "What difference does it make? (In the grand scheme of things, probably none) "Why do you let it upset you?" (If I had a choice, do you think I would choose to be upset?)   

"My house may be crowded... my memories are not." 

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Thanks, Girl!

The Girl Next Door Grows Up has given me an award that says I bring happiness.  Since I don't have a tremendous amount of that in my life, if I can find a little bit to share with others, I'm honored to do so.

Since my computer and my brain are both having problems...  I will do good to get this thank you posted and not have it all over the place, like the last post.  Every time a new email comes in, or a new blog is posted, my computer has a hissy fit, which is why the last post was so out of alignment.  Not at all sure what will happen with this one.

"Girl Next Door", I just wanted to let you know how much I appreciate this, I haven't forgotten it and I promise to get back to it as soon as my computer will agree to cooperate.

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

The Brilliance Is Blinding!

If you were a fly on the wall around here, you would be privy to some truly brilliant conversations between the hubby and me.  I recently mentioned we might be needing assistance sooner than expected... This is another reason.

Hubby works a twelve hour shift and usually calls me, at least twice.  Just a couple of days ago, he called as he was leaving work.

Him:  We gonna go get something to eat when I get
Me:    Yeah, it's either that, or the other option...
          starve! (at least I gave options)
Him:   You gonna wait till I get home?
Me:     Um... yeah?... how would WE go eat BEFORE 
           you get home?
Him:   Oh yeah... duhhhhhh!

Later the same evening, we are sitting in a diner we frequent that plays oldies, when a song comes on.  As much as I like music, I tend to get annoyed and somewhat brain frozen when hubby says... "Do you remember who this is?"  I used to have the same feeling when I would walk into class and the teacher would announce "POP QUIZ!"  It didn't matter how much was in my head, it suddenly became inaccessible!

Back to the male voice singing... love and happiness...

I know who this is... it's on the tip of my tongue, when out of his mouth comes... "Think of a bird and a color."

"What?"  Ok, the name has now completely escaped me, again.  "What are you talking about?  A bird and a color?"  He reaches out and pulls on my shirt.  Now what?


"What are you talking about?"

"Your shirt, what color is it?"

"It's green!  Oh yeah, Al Green!  That's what you were trying to give me as a clue?  You said think of a bird and a color... ok, I get the green, but bird?  What the heck kind of clue is that?"

"A bird, you know, like an owl... OWL GREEN!"

I'll admit this one gave me a chuckle and of course, a cough.  I can't do one without the other.

Today he calls from the cell as he is leaving his Mom's house, after helping her take care of some business.  Once again he asks if I want to grab a bite to eat.  I tell him yes.  Then he asks... "Have you done yourself?"  I replied "Not lately!"  He then said what he meant to say, which was "Have you done your makeup and gotten dressed?" To which I replied, "Yes, I have done that."

Hubby then relays a short snippet of conversation he had with a co-worker about the Super Bowl...
"So, Mike... you have a big party planned for the Super Bowl?"  

Mike replies... "Nope, just me and my LazyBoy."

Hubby says... "Oh, so your son is coming over!"

I'm surprised he was able to admit that last one!  I was sure the stupidness was just between us. 




Friday, February 5, 2010

Somewhere Out There

I couldn't carry a tune, in a slop bucket anymore, but while trying to think of a way to thank some very wonderful, encouraging people in the blog world, I remembered this one.

Let's pretend Linda Ronstadt & James Ingram are singing it to you, or someone with an equally good voice, ok, here goes... 

Somewhere out there beneath the pale moonlight

Someone's thinking of me and loving me tonight

Somewhere out there someone's saying a prayer
That we'll find one another in that big somewhere out there

And even though I know how very far apart we are
It helps to think we might be wishing on the same bright star

And when the night wind starts to sing a lonesome lullaby
It helps to think we're sleeping underneath the same big sky

Somewhere out there if love can see us through
Then we'll be together somewhere out there
Out where dreams come true

And even though I know how very far apart we are
It helps to think we might be wishing on the same bright star

And when the night wind starts to sing a lonesome lullaby
It helps to think we're sleeping underneath the same big sky

Somewhere out there if love can see us through
Then we'll be together somewhere out there
Out where dreams come true

Lyrics as performed by
Linda Ronstadt and James Ingram

from the movie An American Tail (1987)

written by James Horner, Barry Mann, Cynthia Weil

*tear, snot, sniffle*

Now that the tribute in song is complete, I'd like to give a heartfelt thank-you to some very special people.

KrippledWarrior... for my first ever blog award.

Blasé... the first person I didn't know, willing to risk life and limb, to follow me.

To the exceptional people I am now following, who have inspired me to take more chances with blogging... you are the best. 

I hope I was able to do the links correctly,  I'm a tech idiot.  Right now it's all I can do to keep up with what I'm (almost) able to do, which is read and comment to all of you.  I still don't know how you people do it!

Uh oh... here it comes again... *tear, snot, sniffle*   *gets another tissue.

Thanks Everybody!  See you later.