Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Tough Decisions

Hubby and I have been discussing some tough topics lately.  We've been having to muddle through some issues we aren't sure how to deal with, nothing earth-shaking, just out of our range of knowledge.  His dad left some bonds to him and his brother.  About a third of them are already mature and the remainder will mature throughout the next few years.  Like I mentioned, nothing earth-shaking, just something that needs to be dealt with.  Dealing with this has brought up another issue that needs to be dealt with, that has managed to be put on a back burner for way too long.  

When my parents passed away within three weeks of each other, back in 1997, that was tough!  I am SO grateful they had made all their arrangements, ahead of time.  Earlier in their marriage, my Dad wanted to be cremated, so my Mom made her plans to be buried with her family in North Carolina.  When my Dad was diagnosed with cancer, he changed his mind and decided to be buried, instead of cremated.  He was able to convince my Mom to change her plans and transfer her burial here, with him.  I can't even imagine what turmoil our lives would have been in, had these arrangements not been made in advance.  My Dad was in the hospital, when my Mom died.  We were able to get him out and take him to the funeral.  We still feel like he only lived as long as he did, to make sure my Mom, his wife, was taken care of, so he could follow her.  If her funeral hadn't been changed, the majority of the family could not have afforded to attend, plus, there was no way my Dad could have made that trip to say his goodbyes.

Having dealt with that and being so determined our kids would not be put in the position to make decisions in the event of our death, we knew we need to plan ahead.  We didn't.  We let it slide.  

Five years ago, my Father-in-law passed away.  This renewed the idea that we needed to make our plans.  Once again, we didn't.  We let it slide.

Now, dealing with the will and the bonds has brought up just how lax we have been, in making our own plans.  It's such a depressing topic and very hard to think about, but I refuse to leave it to the kids, when our time comes.  Also, admitting to my husband that I don't want to have a funeral, or be buried, is hard.  He, on the other hand, wants that.  If I die, before he does, I want to be cremated.  When he passes, if possible, I want my ashes buried with him.  If he passes before me, just sprinkle me over his grave and be done with it.  I don't need a headstone, I don't want ANY flowers, give them to someone living.  When my time comes, don't make calls to people that haven't been around me for years.  If it hasn't mattered in years, it shouldn't matter when I'm dead.  I do NOT want my survivors coming to a cemetery, to remember me.  Remember how much I love you and that won't stop when I die... I won't be lingering in the cemetery, waiting for you to visit... I hope to be in Heaven!


Blasé said...

Both SB and me want to be cremated. No need to take up ground space..

When I see you in heaven, I'll recognize you by your legs!

Anonymous said...

I agree, I'm gonna be cremated and want to be scattered over my Mom & Daddy's graves. I do have a fascination with cemetaries though, it's weird, but I like visiting them, even when I don't know anyone who's buried there.